A Post I Will Probably Shudder At Later

Oh God.

A new blog. It's hard enough to keep up the other one I have. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. This is a blank canvas.

But I am simply a child with finger paints, not a master with fine haired brushes. Here we go, I guess.

I hope this doesn't end up like the beginnings of my Tumblr, which should not see the light of day ever. 9000 posts later, I'm still humiliated at what it takes to discover myself on the interwebs.

Bah. Who am I kidding?

I'm once again in the somewhat nerve wracking position of applying for a job. I swear, I'm a masochist. I'm already overworked but when I saw the post from Chegg, I jumped on it. It's a position that I can manage in my fabulously underrated pajamas. I've never failed an application/interview yet. So, I'm hoping for that.

I'm still a ball of anxiety over getting my gold nametag at work. For anyone reading this who doesn't know, I work in a corporate run restaurant and a gold name tag means Certified Trainer - aka Badass of Waiting Tables. I've been in the process for a couple months. I've trained two people. They told me to raise my expectations, so I did. Now, I wait.

Fingers crossed. I just want this so bad. I keep telling my GM that. I mean, how awesome is a resume going to look if I can say I was a corporate Certified Trainer, Executive Editor of M&S, a Tutor and running a successful blog at the same time. All while looking fabulous.

Looming ahead is the application to study abroad as well.

I feel like I'm constantly in the middle of a Friday night rush and constantly battling to balance a seven table section while they're double seating me like crazy. Writing helps.

I invested in a three pack of Moleskins via a recommendation from a friend. Best. Decision. Ever.

I hope this post doesn't seem to scattered. I'm trying to organize my brain. Okay, breathe, set up list of goals. Accomplish goals. Feel like a badass. Give self manicure, because the last one didn't make it through the shower. I swear, I will never have all of my houses in order. It's impossible. If I'm monetarily sound, then I am constantly battling loneliness, when I have all of my homework done I get bored and spend money because I want to do things and then I have no money, but stuff is done but then....... toomuchstuff.

I wonder if this is going to end up like my Tumblr. A few awesome people caring about my shit. I'm okay with that. I'm not a big trendy blogger who can photoshop and make pretty banners. I can find cool tattoos and creepy artwork.

We talked about being dark writers in class, but it wasn't my turn to speak, so I didn't. Martin used to call me goth. I swear the moniker has stuck since. I bet it will shine through like silver through black paint. I have got to stop listening to Katy Perry. I have better music than this...

Alright then. Enough with my nonsense and stuff. Time to go do stuff and pay bills and be an adult and whoever told me being older was awesome totally lied. What bullshit.